more of the same

There is nothing too new going on in my life. I'm still leaving work early. The new meds are either not working or still kicking in. I hope it's still kicking in. I started them on Thursday. I won't be able to attempt to switch them until the middle of October.

I have told myself I will stay at work the entire day everyday because I need to get my life together. I want to get rid of my black hair. It's going to cost a butt ton. That is my very short term goal. Long term there are a bunch of things. New car, money for the honeymoon, paying off my bad credit and such items. (I'm putting the picture of what I want my hair color to be in my cubicle)

Last night I reminded myself of a petty stupid little girl. I know why I get like this. It's my relationship defenses kicking in. They didn't need to last night. I'm going to work on this.

I accidentally called Rob "buddy" last night. He doesn't like it. We were talking the other day about the little things that bug us. And that was his. I was trying so hard too. It just slipped out at Meijer. We were going to get potatoes and I said I'm following you buddy. He stopped and looked at me. It honestly took me a second to figure out what I said. I thought he was turning around for something else. Sorry honey.

On a fun note part of our costumes have come in!!!!!! And I have a handful of people coming to my birthday party already. Oh and Amanda is coming home again next month.

How much????

I went to the doctor on Friday. It went well. I got my whoo haa test done. Then asked the doctor about my self diagnosed acid reflux. He was concerned and asked me all sorts of questions. He wrote a prescription for something stronger than I was taking, and wants to see me in 3 weeks to see how it's going and to run a bunch of tests. I left the office feeling positive.

Saturday I dropped my prescription off at Rite Aid. Rob and I went shopping. Upon ariving back at Rite Aid that positive feeling dropped. turns out my insurance doesn't cover it and it's over $100 a month. So the pharmasist didn't fill it. He was really nice though and suggested other things. Since I have no idea what I'm doing I said no. He is going to call my doctor on Monday to see if I can use something cheaper or cover by insurance. I really really hope there is something that can be done. I can't afford $100 a month, but at the same time I can't afford to have this continue. So to make myself feel better I spent my gift card I received from Rite Aid (I transfered a differet percription to them as well) on fun stuff. I bought some lip gloss and eye liner, a cooking magazine, birthday party invitations, and head phones.

Friday night I went to the Bridal show with my new friend Krysta from work. It was a blast. Very nice to go with someone who is a bride as well. We sat down and got our make up done. The chick was awesome and I looked good. I'm going to try this afternoon to recreate the awesomness. We got our rings cleaned. Mine was gross. I may have found where we will get the tuxes and invitations. Oh and this guy had a booth about using your Ipod for the reception. Which is exactly what we wanted to do. He would bring out the equipment for it and come pick it up after. Perfect. Now we would just need find someone to play DJ for us. With finding these things it's making it feel as if everything is coming together.

More crazy dreams

I decided not to post yesterday because it would have been full of bitchiness. Trust me it was bad. I do apologize if you had to hear my rant. And I thank you.

Lately my dreams have been very vivid and strange. Here's a couple that I like.

I was having an affair. I was single and the person I was having the affair with was Rob. He was married and his wife was paying me to sleep with him. I would get a certain amount per time. At first I didn't realize that's what she was paying me for. I also walked their dog. It was a Pomeranian. I thought that's what she was paying me for. I told Rob about this dream the other day. He didn't see the humor in it. He was wondering why his wife didn't want to sleep with him. I found the dream very funny. Even in my dreams I'm still with him.

This next one was just for me. I was at Bob Dylan's house. I was somehow related to him. He was my grandpa or uncle. I never did figure that out. Anyway I was at his house which was more like a shack. Something to keep him humble. Right across the street was the rest of his family. On the porch was a BIG screen TV. Bob would watch it from his porch across the street. He didn't have a TV. Bob was going to offer me a place to sleep for the night, but his shack was too little and there wasn't any room over at his family's house. I said that's okay my fiance lives one mile down the road and I'll go over there. The End.

Okay one minor bitchy thing. Why in every microwave dinner that I buy is there red peppers in the rice????? I know it adds color but why? I hate it.

chop sticks

The spa party was last night. It turned out really well. I was excited as many people came as they did. I really liked Sonia, the lady who did the spa. She was not as fake as some of the
spa/marykay/party people. She didn't try to push anyone to join (which can make people uncomfortable.) I ended up getting what I wanted with just one thing extra. Yay me. I hope everyone had fun.

I just woke up a little bit ago from the most disturbing dream. It started off pretty normal. I was helping this girl who had a baby run away from the baby daddy. He wasn't a nice guy. We were in some sort of subway area. There was an ATM that she got the last $5 she had. This guy went next and before he could put his card in a bunch of 5's came out and he gave them to us. I had them in my pocket. We were running around the subway and I lost her. This guy with a beard started to follow me. I think he saw the stack of 5's in my pocket. He came up to me and I thought he was just going to rob me. Turns out he had other plans. I started to fight him off, but I couldn't punch him hard enough, or bite, or kick. He ended up raping me. I tried to wake myself up. I can usually do that. Force myself awake so I don't have to go through it. Not this time. I stayed right in it. It was awful. People were all around and no one helped me. When it was done (and he took all the money) I found my way home and crashed in the big bed I had. Amanda was home and walked in my room to get to the sun porch. She didn't notice I was in the room and I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

Home again home again jiggity jig

Yes it's about 3:30 and I'm home from work. I hate my body. I missed taking my acid reflux meds on day and it sets me back so many. So I haven't been to the gym this week yet. I won't be going tonight, because I will get sick. I know this is all my fault and I hate myself for it too. But mostly I blame my body. I've never had this many problems when I was younger.

I found out today that the branch manager I had it out with on Friday did not call my boss to complain about me. Whew. I did tell my boss what it was about kinda of and I'm in the right. Not him. Funny thing he works at the branch by my house. I want to walk over there and yell at him. But I would be fired. Stupid head guy.

There was a training class today for 10 of us. We are running a pilot system for credit cards. We were hand picked by our boss. I feel as special as I can about a work thing.

Rob and I have figured out what we are going to be for my birthday party. But I'm not telling. You'll just have to come out. So start thinking about costume choices!!!!!

Legend......dary

Hehehehe to anyone who gets the last few titles.

I went to the gym tonight. I was going to take the Zumba class. My first one. The instructor never showed. So instead I did my circuit training with 3 miles on the bike. I have increased the weights on some of the machines. Mostly the ones that deal with my legs. It was too easy for me. I haven't weighed myself in awhile. I'll probably wait until the middle of the month.

I am reading Hotel of Saints by Ursula Hegi. It's a group of short stories. I just finished reading one from a women's point of view in an abusive relationship. It was I felt a good point of view on how the woman felt. (I've never been one to understand how someone can stay in that type of relationship) I could almost understand her point of view. It was sad and beautifully written. It made me tear up. I really enjoy her writing.

It's going to be.....

Labor day weekend was awesome. We went up to the cabin Friday afternoon. I ended up with the day off! I was a little worried about how I would feel at the end of the trip. Sometimes I can feel self conscience after a long time spent with the family. I know you are all sick of hearing but I don't feel grown up compared to the rest of my older cousins. I do feel a little more now that Rob and I are getting married. Well Saturday morning Rob and I were in charge of making breakfast. (breakfast burritos, which everyone loved) Usually the elders are up pretty early so we set the alarm for 7am. I didn't matter that the cooking was started at about 8:30, the fact that we were up for it made my cousin Melissa say we were very grown up. That was the best thing said to me the entire weekend!!! I will shut up about not feeling grown up for now.

I did go for one walk this weekend. We went rock gathering with the little girls. Rob was more into looking for cool rocks than I was. I just liked spending time with the girls. They are so cute. When we went swimming they were all over Rob. I loved the fact that he played with them instead of spending all of the beach time with the adults. Hahahaha I did something I've never done before at the lake. Had a beer while in the water! You wouldn't believe how many people were doing it. I guess I've never seen it that much before. We did tie dye on Sunday. One of the little girls who is 3 insisted on putting her shirt in every color. It didn't look all that great. It turned out to be the coolest color there. I want to so some more. If anyone wants to tie dye with me let me know!!!!!